bla bla and bla bla: realizing how dumb and immature you were before

it’s a long weekend. thanks to these holidays we’ve got. but, sometimes long weekend spells out boredom (especially if you have nothing else to do other than your hobbies).

i’ve been in front of the computer for like four hours now. scrolling my facebook newsfeed just to shoo away boredom but man, nakakasawa na… o__O yet there’s one thing on facebook that made me realized some things… what is it?

well, i tried to browse the activity log in facebook. starting from the time i first used it up to the present. man, i’ve read some status i’ve posted, some comments i made and other stuffs i did… and i can’t keep but to laugh and ask myself, “did i really post that?!”

i just realized how… well, idk how to put this into words but… ahmmm… well let’s just say that compared before, i’m way “better” at posting stuffs now. hahah.

of opportunities, of dreams, and of living those dreams…

anyone can have that so-called thing. it’s a precious liberty endowed upon us by Him. and yes, of course, who wouldn’t want to have them come true? you’re a loony if you confide you don’t want to realize them. what is it i’m talking about? dreams. yes, it all starts with a dream… but, without actions, for certain, your dreams may also end only as a dream.

***

dreams. goals. plans. three different words but are very much connected with one another. dreams without accompanied goals and plans are USELESS. when setting goals, write the definite plans. then back it up with unfaltering faith and concrete and persistent actions. faith means believing on Him and on yourself as well. action, on one hand, means executing those plans you have. mix them altogether and that would certainly spell out success

***

i dream to become a seasoned IT business analyst. i was just a college sophie when i realized that this is WHAT I REALLY AND BADLY WANT. i enjoy gathering infos, interviewing various people, preparing documentations, facilitating meetings, and doing presentations – the major duties an IT BA ought to perform. so right after graduation, i badly knew what i want to tackle.

my goal then was to look for companies with IT BA listings for freshers like me. that time, i was overwhelmed with the number of phone interviews and job invitations i get. with the myriads of resumes received by those companies, you should really be thankful to Him that yours caught the eyes of the hiring managers. so goal achieved, then. now what was my plan then?

my plan was to sneak out of our house and go to manila and attend those interviews i had coz that’s where ALL of the opportunities for me to become an IT BA are. so, did that plan turn out well? the answer is NO. i was still financially dependent on my parents that time. my father firmly disagrees with my plan of working in manila so i can never ask money from him. financially, i had no one to turn to. my mother’s money happened to got scarce during that time. man, i greatly, as in BADLY, wanted that dream to come true as soon as i can. so what happened was that the ambitious and idealistic side of mine got badly disheartened, grew depressed, and, yes, experienced another bout of emotional breakdown.

now here comes the experience of having resolute faith. so MANY things took place during this time and i greatly felt His intervention on these down times. it was july then. one my close friend got a job in manila (so lodging issue ifever i got a job there was omitted) and it also happened that i was able to borrow some money from our mother. even if i was feeling hopeless, i was still so determined then to push through with my plan of going there when all of a sudden, i received this call for a job interview just here in angeles. idk but some invisible force pushed me to go and give it a try. looking back, well, if it weren’t for that sudden call, i should have went to manila to go and get my dream job.

while waiting for the result of that job interview, luckily, another IT company here in clark angeles called and their vacancy had to be filled in urgently. so i grabbed the offer. i’m now about eighth months in the quality assurance or QA field and as i continually search the net during my free time, i found out that more likely, those who come from QA jobs have the edge on landing IT BA posts (which is actually my dream job).

my original plan didn’t materialize. so now, there should be plan B – and that is to take advantage of my free time and of the free resources on the internet regarding QA and yes, about IT BA stuffs i have to wait, and as i wait, do something to prepare myself on my flight to my dreams

***

i have to earn real bad, even if i’m the “semi-breadwinner” in our family… i “voluntarily” took some financial responsibilities in our household so i have to earn real bad. father will still disagree with my manila dream but heck, nothing will happen on me if i keep listening to others. i will follow my dreams. yes i will. go-getter it is…

***

now, of opportunities… ok… i’ve been regularized on my current company last january, when suddenly, one of my close friends (shucks, really happy and grateful to have them) gave me a ring and presented a very nice opportunity on where she is working now. i know the sureball offer is much much better than my current one but, oh well, call me sick or dumb or whatever but, i had to turn it down. well, my heart wants to say yes to this very handsome offer. why? my freaking heart has these reasons:

a. the pay and the benefits

b. the people (coz i’ll be with my friend and i’ve known some of the people working there since that’s where i had my internship) and

c. the learning (new learnings of course)

d. on my current job, once the tasks are through, there are nothing much to do and that makes it boring -__-

on the other hand, my brain (which i always listen to) has these reasons to say no:

a. i’ll look like a job hopper once i decided to get there (and it would surely make the eyebrows of future employers crinkled)

b. the role is focused more on hardware, not software (IT BAs are more on software and my current job conform to that)

if you notice bloggie, my heart is “present-centric” while my brain is focused more on the future. and you know how futuristic i am -_- oh Lord, i’m wondering if this is a test or what… but well, i made up my mind already. no regrets for this but still, thank You for this!

***

with these things that just took place, maybe, He wants to imply that it’s not yet the right time for me to go to manila, that i should learn how to become more patient. oh dear, truly, everything happens for a reason. and yes, He really is the most amazing. so many things occurred and while i reminisce about them, all i can see is how great He really is yes, maybe this is His plan. maybe this is what’s written on His timetable funny but, it’s oh so true – His plans are far greater that our dreams and expectations

till then!

the end where i begin

i’ve badly missed this dear bloggie. i know it’s been five months since the last time i made an entry here. yes, today is the last day of 2012 and it’s funny that we “survived” that “doomsday” which was scheduled last 21st of this month. hahahah! oh well, kidding aside, so many things have really taken place and i badly know that i so have a lot (as in a lot!) to be thankful for. well i should only be grateful for He has never let go of me, of us, since day one

***

oh bloggie baby. this year marked the end of “aginaldos” for me. how tragic -_- ok, ok. i know i’m a working person now but… argggh! oh well, i will surely miss this hahah… oh! yes, another “tragic” matter i have to face is about starting on sharing with financial stuffs and other expenditures. oh dear, speaking of being a “responsible grown-up person”… -_- me already -_- *sigh*

***

oh bloggie baby! father is asking me if i could help him buy a new motorcycle. you know how much i BADLY want to make my loved ones happy but hello?! it’s been only seven months since i started working and my goodness gracious, i don’t have yet that super mega ultra great salary! besides, i’m also spending on rice stock, water bill, and my freaking sister’s college expenses. my savings go to those stuffs mostly -_- what the… *sigh* but imagine if i don’t share on other expenses, maybe my savings could be something like #0, 000 pesos… oh em gee… -_- father thinks i could still afford his wish since my loved ones know that i’m good at handling money but… the heck… -_- oh well… que sera sera -_-

***

on seven months of working, i still haven’t bought myself anything. i’m thinking of buying a digi cam for myself, or a new phone, or maybe a tablet, but… here goes the “kill joy” slash “mega thrifty” slash “ultra selfless” side of me. oh darn… i can’t keep thinking that i should just save it and put it on my bank account instead. especially with the expenses i should share with my family. besides my phone is still working so… argggh -_- whatever…

***

good thing i don’t have any “luho”… the only thing i spend for myself is buying occasionally some few cheap, “fashionless” clothes, and purchasing my ever-reliable mutivitamin which is moriamin. hahah! oh yes, and my weekly visit to carmelite as well

***

it’s so nice to have a kid in the house. every time i get bad vibes like getting miffed or getting angry, a hug from that kid can shoo that away… his name is ej. he’s our five-year-old cousin. he has autism spectrum disorder and is undergoing therapies (ouch to the pockets) but he’s so adorable, so lovable, so kissable, so huggable, so precious… he’s been here for seven months and we think he’ll be with us for, hmmmm, maybe about five years or so… oh baby love

***

a few hours left and it’ll be 2013! new year! weeee! hahah. my money is almost “wiped out” since i gave some to buy a plentiful of rice, gas (coz we ran out of it yesterday. arggh!), and other stuffs. we’re also through with our general house cleaning and i’ve already hanged the eight ampaos containing eight pesos around the house. eight is a lucky number and putting money on ampaos and hanging them around your house (on doors and windows) will bring luck esp. on money, they say. well, it’s not that we’re chinese-like for these “beliefs” we have but it’s a “tradition” we do regularly to welcome the new year i know so badly that luck greatly depends on an individual and blessings — well we are all showered with it every second. the fact that a new year is added to your life is already a blessing, plus the fact that you and your loved ones are safe, sound, and happy

***

i’m so excited to what God has in store for 2013. of course, i’m still holding on firmly to my dreams kahit na seven months na ang nakalipas. i still have my plans as well syempre. what are those plans? of course i won’t tell. hahah! according to research, successful people keep their plans to theirselves only (ehem!) hahahah! basta… que sera sera. besides, (again, my mantra! hahah!) His plans and timetable are FAR BETTER than our wildest dreams and expectations so till then! God bless everyone!

***

P.S.:

i wrote the entry above on dec 31 and today is january 1. hahah! we celebrate xmas and new year at our paternal lola’s house. the same goes with my paternal uncles and aunties. some even come from manila but they always manage to go here in pampanga for us to celebrate those events with one another. you know dear bloggie, mas masaya yung dating mga xmas at new year. kumpleto pa kase nun eh. ngayon kase halos nasa abroad na ang iba. skype, fb at ym na lang kame kame nagkikita. parang kanina, sa pagsalubong namen ng new year. it’s so apparent na mas masaya talaga yung mga dating new year kase nga kumpleto noon. haaaaay… oh well… things change… people change… ang importante, we still welcome things with that great positivity and gratefulness to Him syempre till then!

one of the best-est thing in the world: HIS timetable

it’s funny how i was back then when i wrote the entry “when they say that God is up to something…”. ganito pala ang feeling once you’re through with some things that are not so nice and then pag na-reminisce mo na lang mga ganung situations, matatawa ka na lang ^___^

for one thing, God is surely the best. His plans, His timetable – they are way better than our dreams and expectations

slowly, i’ll climb the ladder to my dreams. even if there is still a loooong way to go, i’ll never succumb. and of course, i have to always put my best foot forward. i won’t be taking things lightly. oh dear, i’m so excited… hahah

man, i really am so excited to what He has in store. i’ll be forever holding on to Him – no more, no less…

my goodness, no amount of words can express how much happiness and excitement i am feeling right now… oh Lord, thank You once again!!!

till then! God bless everyone!

***

i received a call and an email from macquarie. the email goes like:

Dear Charmaine

Thank you for your application for the position of CapitalMarkets Graduate – Level 2 Application Support Analyst (UNIX/SQL/MS) within Macquarie.

After reviewing your qualifications, we wish to progress your application to the next stage of the process, We will shortly get in touch with you to schedule a brief phone interview.

Appreciate if you can make your contact number available for this call.

Regards,
##### #####
Macquarie Recruitment Team

oh dear. can’t proceed with it since i’ve already signed a job offer. besides, father won’t let me go to manila. another thing, well, of all the stuffs that took place recently, i can sense that God wants to confide that it’s not yet the right time for me to explore manila. He does have a point since i am not yet financially independent. but one thing is for sure… His timetable, His plans… well, they really are far better than my dreams and expectations! hahah

oh yeah… i really am looking forward to what He has in store for me

when they say that God is up to something…

these past few days have been like a roller coaster ride. there are times when i feel elated – yes, so freaking high like i am in cloud nine. there are also times when i feel so blue – yes, so freaking down and depressed and hopeless. idk if this is due (again) to being a bipolar, manic depressive, pessimistic, or whatever freaking negative adjectives or nouns they call it but… oh well… but today? *sigh* i want to say i feel… neutral. in the middle ground, that is. how i wish i can fake happiness but, unfortunately, i can’t. so, just to “lighten” things up, and since getting depressed is really exhausting, i’ll just put it that way – neutral…

***

now i badly know (yes, to a very great extent) the feeling of waking up every morning doing some things that you know you don’t want to do. yung napipilitan mo lang gawin para sa mga ilang bagay at ilang tao. it’s a learning experience. at least now, i know how it feels. and i thank You for that…

sooner or later, i know, mahahanap at mahahanap ko rin yung bagay na yun that could make me jump out of the bed every morning. (see? menggay the optimist was able to conquer menggay the pessimist this time! hahahahah).

***

kung alam ko lang dati na sa angeles city lang din pala ang bagsak ng manila dreams ko, sanang grinab ko na yung job opportunity kung saan ako nag-OJT. kung alam ko lang din na wala akong mapaghihiraman sa mga relatives ko ng pera pampunta ng mga job interviews ko sa manila, eh di sana nag-ipon ako ng husto dun sa nakukuha naming allowance sa pinag-OJT-han namen…

haay menggay! stop those if only’s! kakabaliw. well, everything happens for a reason… maybe it’s not yet the right time for me to explore manila. supposed to be, sumama na ko sa friend ko last week papuntang manila. there were just some certain things na biglaang sumulpot kaya eto, andito pa rin ako sa hometown ko… goodness gracious… stay positive! *sigh*

***

mahirap din yung hintay ng hintay. kakapagod. sa pagka-impatient ko pa naman eh… di ko makakaila na gagad o samal ako… gusto ko na talagang makapunta ng manila. andoon kase mga opportunities eh. malakas ang feeling ko na doon ko mabibingwit ang pinakamagandang isda para sa kin. ang kaso, nase-sense ko na ayaw muna akong patuntungin ng manila ni Lord. haay. ewan. pero parang ganun na nga. biruin mong ilang beses na kong nagplano at nagtangka sa pagpunta dun, pero laging nauudlot. ayun, last week desidido na kong sumama sa friend ko papunta doon. tapos biglang may tumawag. kung di lang dumating ang tawag na yun, talagang sumama na ko sa kanya. tapos heto, udlot na naman kahit na balak kong pumunta na doon kase yung pera ko, paubos na. haay Lord… ok. ok. di na po ko magiging samal… for your plans are much greater than my dreams and expectations… maybe it’s not yet time… yes, it’s not yet the right time… *sigh*

***

i have a very good friend. her positivity is really contagious. masaya kasama ang mga ganitong tao…

***

i’ve read an online article before. ang sabi, isa sa mga secrets ng mga successful na tao is that they just keep to theirselves yung mga plans nila. ok. keep them to yourself menggay, if you really want to succeed… hanggat di mo pa sila naisasakatuparan, just freaking keep them to yourself! ^___^

***

idealism over realism. alam ko na rin kapag ang dalawang yan ang nagconflict. after graduation, i was so idealistic. preoccupied ako masyado ng dream kong maging IT business analyst. napakaraming openings sa mga fresh grads that time, halos manila-based. puro online ang applications ko. nakakaoverwhelm pa kase ang daming invitation for job interviews. nakalimutan kong magpaka-realistic. wala pala akong sariling pera para makapunta sa manila. tapos ayaw pa ng tatay namen na mag manila ako, by hook or by crook. *sigh* oh well… life goes on… at syempre, everything happens for a reason… maybe it’s not my time yet…

***

naisip ko lang, you must still be thankful even if your parents don’t believe in what you can do and that you can also go places. alam ko masakit ‘to, pero… tiisin mo na lang at gawin mo na lang ‘tong motivation para magsumikap lalo at makapunta sa dapat o nais mong puntahan. and yes, never bear any grudge o become bitter kahit kanino. mas nakakabigat yun sa nararamdaman. just stay positive. dahil kung hindi, ikaw din ang mahihirapan. and yes, eto pa mas importante. wag lang iba ang lagi mong iniisip. nakakapagod yun. sobra. mahirap gawing robot ang sarili. yun tipong, oo, achiever ka nga. you try to prove yourself to your parents, your loved ones, o others. kaso may mga times na para sa kanila kulang ka pa, o parang wala pa rin. tapos ikaw namang nega, pilit na nagpapaka-goody two shoes, eh talagang di magtatagal, you might feel like you’re “shutting down”. that surely is exhausting. isipin mo rin ang sarili mo. i’m not saying that you must be selfish. this is not a form of selfishness. i know this for a fact. kung ano mang sabihin nila na nakakababa ng morale mo, be it your parents or any close loved ones, don’t get disheartened. if you know you are doing your best, then just keep it up. besides, ang pinakamagandang gawin is to offer whatever you’ve achieved to Him. remember, if it weren’t for the Divine Providence, we surely are nothing… mas maganda talaga na Siya ang gawin mong inspiration… cloud nine ang feeling nun, panigurado…

***

ang sabi, “when you are down to nothing, God is up to something.” meron pa, “happy is the one who learns to wait as he prays and never loses his patience, for God’s time is the best time.” desktop wallpaper ko yang mga quotes na yan na nakita ko pa sa internet. hahah. kailangang kailangan ko kase mga motivations na ganun ngayon eh. ewan. ang layo ko pa sa pagiging fulfilled. tapos ang impatient ko pa. haay menggay. pero sana, sa susunod kong entry, ang maishare ko naman sana ay yung bagay that makes me jump out of the bed every morning… yung tipong excited talaga akong gawin… something that i look forward to… sabi din, “when you are doing what you love to do, no one has to motivate you.” hahah. i really am so excited to what He has in store. i know, His plans are far greater than my dreams and expectations. and i am so positive about that… hahah. je peux le faire…

God bless everyone! till then!

lessons learned from the first man i loved (and will always love)

people who are caught by the title of this entry might think i’ll be talking about the boyfriend thingy… but, no… they got it wrong… aside from the fact that i feel like i have this great single blessedness stuff granted on me, well… ahmmm… never mind… for this entry, i’ll be talking about him – my father…

***

the third sunday of june is approaching. yes, it’ll be father’s day. like what i always confide, i love our father not because he is our father, but because he is the one God gave to us… i may have multitude of complains about him – on why he is like that, like this, and so on… yet, despite these stuffs, there will always be reasons why i should value him more. here in this entry, i’d like to do two things: to pour out all the negative vibes i get because of him and to share how great this man could be in his very own terms…

i know, a couple of my recent blog entries talk about how “antagonistic” my father is when it comes to my goals, plans, and dreams. yes, he surely has a reason on why he doesn’t want me to go and explore outside the vicinity of our hometown. his main reason is that it is dangerous to work in manila. puro kasi patayan ang laging laman ng mga balita. kaya sino ba namang magulang ang di mababagabag sa seguridad ng anak nila, babae man yan o lalake.

ok. ok. without further ado, or should i say, without further satsat, i’ll just enumerate the lessons i acquired on this man:

first, if you really want to go places, don’t be afraid to explore opportunities. never ever limit yourself on different things. kabaligtaran kasi yun ng papa namen. he is afraid to go out of his comfort zone. he limits himself on the opportunities that come in his way. dala siguro ‘to ng pagiging shy type nya. i’ve seen so many promising things that slipped away dahil sa ugali nyang yun. napakalaking sayang. not to mention, napakaraming nasayang… life is only once so you have to really make the most out of it… besides, it’s not nice to live a life full of regrets…

second lesson? don’t be narrow-minded. widen your horizon. accept that you also commit mistakes at hindi ikaw lagi ang tama. my father listens to no one but himself. sa kapampangan, sira matulid… listen to others. learn to communicate properly. in that way, mas gagaan ang mga bagay bagay. madalas kase, simple lang naman ang mga bagay bagay kung tutuusin. nagiging komplikado lang dahil mismo sa sariling gawa naten.

third lesson. share and expect nothing in return… my father wasn’t born with a silver spoon in his mouth. kaya siguro pag may natanggap syang material na bagay, akala nya wala nang darating kaya di sya masyadong nagse-share sa iba…

fourth lesson. be responsible. wag lang sarili mo ang lagi mong iniisip. dito pasok ang papa namen. when it comes to familial responsibilities, ok talaga sya. eto ang isa sa mga reasons ko kung bakit ko kailangang magsikap lalo – to have him stop from working soon and just let him enjoy and taste some luxuries in life…

fifth lesson. ang pagiging thrifty. he is a hell of a thrifty man. natutunan ko sa kanya na if you don’t know how to handle your money, nothing may happen to you. nganga ka, in gay lingo… aside from this, naho-hone mo din ang self-control mo at self-discipline. natutunan mo rin kung paano magsacrifice… and i see this as some of the greatest things in life…

sixth lesson. learn how to hold your emotions. my father is a man of few words. pero pag nagsalita sya, tumatagos… and i like that style… kaya nga super proud ako pag may nagsasabi na i am more of a silent type but once daw nagsalita ako, nagmamarka… tapos serious type din sya. nakuha ko din yun sa kanya. aside from that, he has a very good and remarkable work ethic. he’s never been late sa trabaho at ayaw na ayaw nya ang nale-late sya. he is also willing to extend work hours kahit na pagod na yan. not to mention, he is also humble. wala akong maalalang nagmayabang yan. ever. he also likes to settle for simple things. yung mga unassuming. mga hindi showy things. papagalitan kame nyan pag masyadong showy ang mga gamit o damit namin…

i may not be able to enumerate all of the great things i got from him pero oo, markang marka sya sa pagkatao ko… marami nga akong reklamo – kesyo kung bakit sya ganito o ganyan, and so on… pero… yes, we still love him…

i got the call for final interview sa head office ng PNB… and there he was again… ayaw nya akong payagan. kesyo saan daw ako titira doon? kesyo delikado daw doon… isa lang yun sa mga napakaraming nasayang na opportunities sa akin. nakakatawa lang isipin… napakaraming nag-aaply. napakaraming nageexpect ng tawag man lang. then isa ka sa mga iilang napili at tinawagan… opportunities na mismo ang lumalapit sa ‘yo… then you nail every interviews… all that’s left to do is to choose the best one for you – the one that fits you, the one that excites you most… pero eto, since you’re still financially dependent sa magulang mo, no matter how badly you want to stand on your very own feet, di mo magawa… the final decision always comes from them – from him, should i say… suportado ako ni mama sa mga plano ko. but my father? i always get depressed on this certain thing because of him.

the solution? i have to be financially independent for me to get my freedom to choose and to decide for myself. this is another hell of a challenge for me… i may be asking God on bakit puro challenges na lang lagi sa buhay kong ‘to. pero… here, i have no choice left but to face and nail those trials, just like how i nail every interviews towards my dreams… kailangan ko rin maging madiskarte… my sister is now in college so i really have to triple my efforts…

i know, everything happens for a reason… and that, God’s plans, His timetable, would always be far better than our dreams and expectations… oh good Lord… basta… i’ll be forever holding on to You for without You, i’ll be nothing…

je peux le faire… i know i can do it…

P.S.:

a dessert for the heavy meal…

i wasn’t able to write an entry regarding my mother nung mother’s day… so it’ll be unfair for my mother… but her? hahah. nalaman ko na totoo yung opposites attract! my father is tall, she is short. my father is an introvert, she is an extrovert. father is shy, she is outgoing and sociable. father is thrifty, she is not. father is the silent type, she is the talkative type. etcetera etcetera! hahahahah! see? my life is a yin yang! hahahah… see how great this life could be? hahah! and this is one of the things i am really thankful for… XD

financially lumpo

mahirap ang hindi makatayo sa sarili mong paa. mas lalong mahirap kung di ka na nga makatayo, may nakasakal pa sa leeg mo…

***

last may 9, galing ako ng pasay para sa pre-employment exam ng pnb (philippine national bank). out of the 34 exam takers, only 14 got qualified. the usual entrance exam ang test pero time-pressured. sakit sa ulo at likod ang makukuha mo after the exam. nakayuko ka lang kase at utak ang gumagana habang nakaupo ka at sinasagutan ang test. but luckily, i was one of the few who passed.

isa ang pnb sa mga inapplyan ko dito sa angeles city. it was april nung nagpass ako at ininform ako na freeze hiring daw nila yet, when they saw my resume and copy of grades, inentertain pa rin nila ang application ko. mabilis ang application at hiring process ng bank na ‘to. during the initial interview sa pasay, the HR informed us na wala pa raw vacant sa head office and she told us to coordinate na lang with the branch officers sa lugar namen. the next day we informed mam rachel from the angeles main branch – yung nagentertain sa pag-apply namen (she is warm and kind). she told us that sa head office daw ang deployment namen lalo na ako dahil specialized ang course ko. isa pa, wala daw vacant sa mga branches na malapit.

for my parents, there is something about this bank. para kay mama, bata pa lang daw sya eh hangang hanga na daw sya sa mga nagtatrabaho sa mga banko (tulad ng mga tita ko) kase feel nya eh napakaprofessional daw tignan. para sa tatay namen, sa mga banko din kase nagsipagtrabaho ang mga kapatid nya. yung isa, si auntie cecil, sa pnb nagtrabaho. sa pnb head office to be specific. mga certified public accountant sila. kaya siguro, parang naconvince sya somehow na sa head office (sa pasay) ang possible deployment ko sa pnb. pero teka, last time may sinabi sya bigla. kung hintayin ko na lang daw magkaroon ng bakante dito sa angeles at wag nang tumuloy sa head office. haaay jusko. kaloka. pero, dito ko naisip na maybe, etong possible deployment ko sa head office, is God’s way to persuade our father na kailangang lumuwag luwag naman sya sa pagkakasakal sa akin o kaya naman, His way para mabuksan ang isipan ng tatay namen na darating at darating din ang panahon na magma-maynila ako para doon hanapin ang pinakamagandang opportunity.

balak ko ring mag-apply sa mga ibang banko actually. ang kaso, di ko magawang makapunta sa head offices kase sa makati ang location. matagal ko ng pinaplanong magpunta ng makati para personal na magpass sa mga companies at banks na sinearch ko pa sa internet. di nga lang matuloy tuloy kase wala akong pera. di ko naman masabi sabi sa tatay namen ang plano kong ‘to kase ayaw nga akong magmanila. sa kanya lang naman ako humuhugot ng pera sa job hunting na ‘to. kahit daw libo-libo pa ang mga kasama ko o kakilala ko, eh hindi pa rin daw sya papayag na magmanila ako. kung may sarili lang akong panggastos para sa mga plano ko, baka matagal na ‘kong nakahanap ng trabaho sa makati. sayang din ang mga tumatawag sa akin. saktong sakto pa naman kase analyst (dream job ko) ang position at promising ang mga offer. haay jusko…

pero naaawa na rin ako minsan sa tatay namen. eh di naman kalakihan ang sweldo nya pero sinusuportahan pa rin nya ako financially sa pagjobhunt ko – yun nga lang dito lang sa angeles at sa pnb. malaki laki na rin ang nabigay at nagastos nya sa kin kung susumahin ko. kung hihingi naman ako ng perang panggastos para sa pagjobhunt ko sa makati, ay jusko, lalamunin ako ng napakalaki nyang boses pag nagsermon. minsan naaawa na rin ako sa sarili ko dahil gustong gusto kong gawin talaga ang mga plano ko, kaso kanino ako hihingi ng pera para sa makati dream ko? paano ako magsisimula? naroon ang mga magagandang offer, ang kaso, linilimitahan ako ng mismong tatay ko sa pagexplore ng mga oportunidad. alam kong kung lagi lang akong nakikinig sa iba lalo na sa kanya, walang mangyayari sa buhay ko. lalo pa’t he can’t seem to go places dahil hindi malakas ang loob nya. baluktot sya kung magreason out. kesyo ganito, kesyo gano’n… haay jusko…

heto, last monday. tumawag ako sa head office para magfollow up. ayun, freeze hiring pa rin at wala pang bakante. pag nga naman minamalas. yun na nga lang ang chance kung saan pwedeng pumayag ang tatay ko na magmaynila ako eh… ay jusko. unti unti na kong nawawalan ng pag-asa… nag-apply din ako sa topdata na sa kabutihang palad naman ay nahanap ko ang lokasyon nila. tinawagan ko kasi landline nila. nagwalk in na ko kase di naman sila sumasagot sa email. kasama ko isa kong kaibigan nung nainterview. database editor ang inapplyan namen. habang naghihintay ng tawag sa pnb, kailangan maging productive naman ako. feeling ko talaga konti na lang at mababaliw na ko dahil sobrang nakakainip sa bahay pati na rin ang so-called paghihintay ng tawag sa pnb. for final interview kame nyan next week sa topdata. sakto kasing wala yung boss nila kaya ayun, next week pa hihintayin. kainis. pero sana makuha kame at nang kahit paano eh, magkapera ako ng sarili. kainis isipin na palamunin pa rin ako ng mga magulang ko. ay kainis… gusto ko na maging independent financially!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ewan. ayoko mang sabihin ang linyang ‘to pero heto… bahala na… ang daming sumasagi sa isip ko ngayon… ifever man matuloy ang deployment namen sa head office, ano kaya ang magiging job role ko? ibibigay kaya sa akin yung analyst position? magkano kaya ang sasahurin ko? sapat kaya yun para sa familial responsibilities ko? paano ang lodgings at expenses ko doon? makukuha ko kayang makapag-ipon ng malaki? haaay Lord, i truly and badly need You… oh Lord…

P.S.:

dear dream job,

wag kang mag-alala. magkikita din tayo. siguro sa ngayon, hinahanda pa ‘ko ni Lord sa pagkikita natin. (financially) lumpo pa rin kasi ako hanggang ngayon. nakadepende pa rin kasi ako sa mama at papa namen. pero basta, wag kang mag-alala, magkikita at magkikita tayo sa lalong madaling panahon…

nagmamahal,

ambitious (and determined) menggay

Letter from the Editor

as the eic of our college publication (and since i have to say goodbye to college now), i also have to write an article for my column. oh man, how poignant. hahah. well anyway, here it is:

***

It was November 2011 when I first came across with the Japanese word “kaizen”. I was then attending an on-the-job training orientation from this certain company in Clark. For one thing, I know that it would surely something I might regret if I just snubbed this internship opportunity from this firm. Not only did I learn some technical skills I will need for my future but I also got to acquire so many nuggets of wisdom that will certainly help me in the years to come. Yes… In the years to come…

***

Kaizen is such a beautiful word. Especially in the world of IT where everything seems fast-paced and where incessant learning is a must, this kaizen principle is certainly something that can be beneficial. The term is the Japanese equivalent for “continuous improvement”. For years, this kaizen thing has been applied and has been proven valuable in various industries such as banking, healthcare, government, and so many others and in processes as well such as purchasing and logistics. But, it is on the personal side where this continuous-improvement attitude is nice to tackle.

The things our mentors share within the four corners of the classroom is not enough. Yes, it could be that someday, you want to become a programmer/analyst/designer. But no matter how great their yearning for us to learn and to go places, it would surely be not ample. In the kaizen vision, if you want to streamline some areas of your life which truly needs some workout, then do not settle for less. Allot your time properly when it comes to studying, socializing and other activities you have. Make it as a daily process and stick to it. That way, you are continually improving your matters.

There is an old saying that goes, “Once you think you have arrived, you have already started your descent.” The spirit of kaizen does not accept the status quo. There is always something to learn and ways to improve. Bear in mind that the reason we may not receive the best is because we are willing to settle for less. So no matter how good things may seem, remember that there is, and will always be, room for improvement. Never ever give in to complacency for we may end up losing.

In no time, just like the graduating class of 2011 to 2012, you have to say goodbye to college and state hello to the real world. Well, it is not about how far one has come or how far one has yet to go, it is about being open to the lessons around us and having the eagerness to learn and improve. The world is constantly changing so let us aim to live life with a kaizen vision.

“Stay hungry. Stay foolish.” Just like what Steve Jobs wanted to share, let us not lose the hunger to learn. If we did lose it, we may then cease to grow. When we ceased, we would surely become stagnant. We prevent ourselves from achieving more. So let us continue to stretch and use the hundred percent of our being for us to live our dreams. Till then everyone!

***

To the CCS faculty, we thank you for all the things you selflessly shared to us. To our parents and loved ones, no amount of words could convey how grateful we are for the unwavering support you gave us. And to the graduating batch of 2011-2012, kudos! We guys made it! J

Charmaine L. Sangil

Editor-in-Chief

A.Y. 2011-2012