“here i am, playing with those memories once again”
not sure if that’s an air supply song but that’s what’s currently playing on my vlc right now bloggie. it’s true that when an over thinker is bored (plus hormonal), the amount of thoughts that keep on gushing on his/her mind palace is much more, well, much more immeasurable (but don’t get me wrong bloggie, i’m not watching sherlock or any other series. naririnig rinig ko lang yon. lol). however i do know that holy week is the time for more reflection and yes, i’m here again to bug you with the things that bug me so kindly bear with me (again) :P
i badly miss the times when i get to participate in various extracurricular activities such as leadership seminars, conferences, public speaking, presenting, journalistic writing (feature writing specifically), to name a few. through those stuffs, i was able to get so much more compared with what’s inside the four corners of the classroom. my self-esteem and confidence indubitably improved. what’s more, win or lose, the challenges, mental stimulation, adrenaline rush, and self-empowerment those activities gave made were priceless. the only problem i get now from those stuffs is that hinahanap hanap sila ng katawan ko -_- *sigh* do i just simply miss schooling? i don’t think so. does this mean that i should be into the academe? maybe. is teaching my calling? my profession? oh crap. so many things keep popping on my mind di lang ngayon but actually, almost every day…
lately ang tamad ko. sometimes, i can’t help but to blame my sign na lang. they say taureans are lazy but they set aside this slothfulness once they have their goals in mind. but thanks to this self-awareness thingy, alam ko ngang tamad ako at alam ko rin na walang nakakapansin ng katamaran na ‘to pagdating sa mga tasks, plans, and goals na sinet at inumpisahan ko sa sarili ko.
they say, when you’re feeling lazy and stuck, ask yourself this daw, “what motivates you?” well, ano nga ba? ano nga ba gusto kong makuha o maachieve? what can be that impetus that will add spice to my existence? that thing (or things) that will make me jump out of the bed as i wake up? what am i enthusiastic about? what really are my goals? what are my passion?
it will be two years since i graduated from college. feeling ko ang konti pa lang ng alam ko at naexperience sa IT industry. it will surely take time bago ako maging knowledgeable sa field na ‘to. naiinis ako… gusto ko talagang maexperience lahat – simula ng SDLC, yun iba pang methodologies, etc. *sigh* i know ang daming resources online para matuto pero mas gusto ko talaga pag actual -_- every freaking time i try to access something online regarding software testing, project management, and business analysis, be it videos, e-books, etc., tinatamad lang ako -_- extra effort pa yung pag push ko sa sarili ko para i-take sila. dito ako napapaisip tuloy na kung pagiging IT business analyst nga ang dream o goal ko, bakit parang di ako motivated o enthusiastic? dahil lang ba kaya tamad talaga ako? o dahil hindi talaga ito ang passion ko?
mas excited pa kong i-take o mag-learn ng copyediting stuffs, history, literature – yung mga ganon. mas gusto ko din yung about finance and accounting – which is actually my original dream, maging CPA.
alam ko naman niche ko. one is technical writing. pero maliban sa tech writing, involved din sa pagiging business analyst yung requirements gathering, client interviewing, diagramming, etc. i know madami pa kong kakaining bigas para maging master BA. alam ko din na dapat nagsisimula na ko. nagsimula naman na ako pero hindi ganon ka-extensive ang effort ko. now, does it boil down to me being just simply lazy? or it’s just that, naooverwhelm lang ako sa dami ng dapat pang tahakin, malaman, matutunan kaya ako tinatamad? i know, thanks again to self-awareness stuff, na madali akong ma-bogged down sa dami ng mga dapat pang gawin o i-take, pero yun nga ba ang reason? o baka di talaga ito yung aking so-called passion?
with these, nagse-second thought na tuloy ako. na kung pagiging BA talaga, do i have what it takes to be a master on it? another, i also want to experience other roles such as those involved in IT/IS auditing , software QA, processes and/or metrics, six sigma, CMMI, ISO, etc. gusto ko rin yung client-facing sana, involved almost halos sa buong SDLC, w/ travel involved kahit 25% of the time lang. *sigh* ang dami kong gusto – gawin, maexperience, etc.
minsan naiisip ko excited lang ako masyado na makarating sa point na may say na ko sa field na ‘to – dun sa big picture ba. pero, still, even if i have the big picture, errrrr -_- ba’t ganon? my sanity’s hanging by a thread na on trying to solve this freaking dilemma *sigh*
well, then, what can light my inner fire?
the lists of the things i want to achieve in life are in my dropbox. somehow, sila yung mga driving force ko :) isa sa mga nakasulat dun is yung makapag work sa united nations. maliban sa feel ko na may travel stuffs na kasama yung mga positions dun, one of my main reason kaya dream ko makapag work dun is yung ma-grab yung chance na makapag work sa mga may CSR causes. naeexcite ako pag naiisip ko yun every freaking time. me working with childfund, world wide fund, and other causes – that gets me really thrilled and paints a smile of my freaking face :D oh… *sigh*
you might ask bloggie kung bakit di ko try mag go out para di ako nabo-bore at nababaliw-baliw dito. well, need ko mag dahan-dahan sa paggasta dahil alam mo naman mga personal tasks ko. ayoko din naman gumala kung wala akong kasama. most of my closest chums kasi di swak ang skeds naming but i get to go out with them minsan :)
also, for now, di ko pa maaafford yung lifestyle na trip ko. well, simple lang naman yung lifestyle na yun but for now, di muna due to certain tasks na nagco-constraint :) pero two years from now, i think, keri na :D hihi. kaya naeexcite ako sa 2016 dahil dun, then year of the monkey pa yun :D really excited to what He has in store :D
another thing bloggie, tulad nga ng na-ishare ko, nami-miss ko na yung adrenaline rush na hatid nung mga sinalihan ko dati. feeling ko tuloy ngayon ang bobo ko na at nabobo at nabobobo ako. siguro kulang lang din ako sa pagbasa basa ngayon. tinatamad (again -_-) din ako magdownload ng mga ebooks -_- haaaay. sarap kong pukpukin noh? ewan ba -_- anong nangyari -_-
tapos eto pa, sa current company ko, ang daming smart peeps :) mga critical at analytical thinkers, assertive, proactive, with much more enriched vocab, mostly extroverts. naculture shock ako nung una pero ngayon, medyo nakapag blend in na. dito ako tuloy lalo naconscious sa nabobo-na-ko thing -_- gusto ko sanang makipagsabayan pero eto na naman si dakilang introverted side ko -_- but i’ll be working on that of course :) *sigh*
i was thinking of this: how about i edit and polish my blog entries and start promoting this as a motivational blog? but then again, i got lazy -_- posting them as is, without minding anything such as cohesion, capitalization, etc., and me being able to keep my sanity by blogging my thoughts, oks na :)
as for my true calling, well, i’ll turn 22 in less than a month. too young for me to doing these stuffs – that is, rushing things, over thinking, not fully savouring the now, etc. what are my passions? what am i enthusiastic about? things that will not make my existence monotonous? those are for me to know. my list is still not yet final but for now, i think, i should be enjoying the present and lessen the pressure i put on myself. will keep you posted bloggie. till then! :)
God bless everyone! :)